forgive and forget...

The single most important part of any love story is not the courting period, not the honeymoon phase or the actual relationship itself, but how it all ends. This determines your subsequent relationships and, of course, the rest of your life with questions raised like "Is this a rebound thing?" or "Is it a transitional fling?" or "How can you still love someone when you are not over with the other?"

So, before you get into another relationship: lay the ghosts to rest.

To draw a parallel with death, we bury the dead, have a mourning period, get it all out and then have a closing ceremony of sorts after a few days, and then get on with our lives, remembering the person once in a while, cherishing the good things and forgetting the bad because the bad does not matter any more. Now, that's a clue on what to do for closure in a relationship. First, it does not matter whose fault it was. Forgive and forget. Or if it was your fault, apologise and forget. A post mortem is useful. Separate the good things from the bad things. Think of it as the baggage you have to carry for the rest of your journey. Discard the heavy parts of the baggage you cannot share with your next companion. For which you need to resolve the incomplete questions: why did it happen to me? Or why did I mess it up? Or does moving on mean I didn't truly love him/her?

To resolve these questions, you could meet up with each other, remind him/her about the good things, thank him/her for it, do not bring up the bad and make sure to agree on one thing: That it was good till it lasted.

No bad feelings

Remember, this is the funeral. No bad feelings. And now it is time to move on. Agree to be friends who will smile at each other when you do bump in to each other. If the person has caused you so much hurt that you cannot possibly meet them face-to-face, email your feelings to them. Get it out of your system. But make sure you find three good things to say before you think of one bad thing.

Forgive. Unconditionally. Because, it does not matter whose fault it was. Death is death, heart attack or kidney failure or murder or suicide does not matter. The fact is you have to live without the other. You might meet each other someday and the ghosts would come back if not exorcised.

So perform the final rites. Delete the messages that weigh you down and remind you about the great tragedy. Take the gifts out of the cupboard and keep them out with your other stuff. And do this slowly and steadily, take your time. There is a good enough reason why there's a feast at the end of 13 days after a funeral.

After which, date people with an open mind. Not that you simply have to. Meeting new people just adds a new dimension to your life.

Forget the scars of the previous relationship. If you do keep talking about the scars, you stand a good chance to scratch them or open them up while discussing them. No person you date will appreciate you talking so much about the previous relationship. It could either ruin your current relationship or worse, make your date support the other and argue with you on who was right and who was wrong.

Forgetting is possible only if you forgive. Unconditionally. Just like the key to a relationship lies in giving. Unconditionally.

PS:this article is taken from yesterday's metro plus of hindu.

तनहाई...

तनहाई, तनहाई
दिल के रास्ते में कैसी ठोकर मैने खाई
टूटे ख्वाब सारे एक मायूसी हैं छाई
हर खुशी सो गई, जिंदगी खो गई
तुम को जो प्यार किया, मैने तो सजा में पाई
तनहाई, तनहाई, मिलों हैं फैली हुई तनहाई

ख्वाब में देखा था एक आंचल मैने अपने हाथों में
अब टूटें सपनों के शीशे चुभते हैं इन आखों में
कल कोई था यही,  अब कोई भी नहीं
बन के नागिन जैसे हैं सांसों में लहराई
तनहाई, तनहाई, पलकों पे कितने आंसू हैं लाई

क्यों ऐसी उम्मीद की मैने जो ऐसे नाकाम हुई
दूर बनाई थी मंजिल तो रस्ते में ही शाम हुई
अब कहा जाऊँ मैं, किसको समझाऊँ मैं
क्या मैने चाहा था और क्यों किस्मत में आई

तनहाई, तनहाई, जैसे अंधेरों की हो गहराई

my first police complaint!!!

I have never been to a police station before... Yesterday, I went for the first time to register a complaint about loss of my mobile... We went there not with a hope of tracing my mobile but just to get acknoeledgement receipt so that i can get the same number from AIRTEL people...

It was a painful experience, I must say... I went along with kalyan who happened to be omniscient regarding whereabout's and howabout's... We have chosen Yeshwantapura police station as it is next to our institute... As soon as we entered the police station, the very sight is unfriendly and people there in khakhi dress look like 'yama dootha's... The SI over there handed me over a feeble piece of paper to write down the complaint... when i wrote subject as 'theft of mobile', he has immediately taken that paper and torn it out, while giving a look as if he is looking at some uncivilized people... then, he started questioning like 'who are you?', 'where do you reside?', etc... when we told that we are residing in indian institute of science, he was inquiring about which part of IISc are we staying? regardless of the answers given by us, he says our insti. doesn't come under their police station range... later, he wanted me to draw the road map to my place from the police station... meanwhile, he ignores us and counts the money(unofficial) he has earned that day... then, he went to Inspector and explained the situation... Inspector too has asked all the same questions and gave similar conclusions... finally, when i have shown my ID card, (i don't know what changed his mind... whether he thought that he should not collect any amount from us or felt sympathy for poor educated souls), he has given me another feeble piece of paper and asked me to write 'loss of mobile' rather than 'theft of mobile'...

finally, he has given us the acknowledgement(which is obviously another feeble piece of paper) and my job done (may god bless this SI)... but, what really pained me is the way they treated us... if this is how they are treating people who are sufficiently educated, what might be the situation with innocent, ignorant, and poor people? I cannot imagine... It seems it is highly futile exercise to seek help from police station unless there is no other way!!!

a tribute to my mobile!

After a long companionship with my mobile phone, i lost it yesterday when i forgot it in lab... I have searched it everywhere i can, and asked everyone around... But, it is lost... Though the worth of the piece in terms of rupees is not more than a sum of two thousand rupees, it was a precious item in my life... It brought so many good friends into life... Used to wake me up in time... It brought smile on my face... Most of the times, I used to keep it next to me when I sleep or just lie on the bed and waiting for a call from dear ones... Though many new models have come with attractive features and affordable prices, I couldn't discard this one because of the intimacy I had with it... Most importantly, this is one big item I've bought with my own money for the first time... The joy I had when I talked through this for the first time is ineffable... It had become almost an integral part of my body, keeping me happy, healthier, and connected with my loved ones... I cannot imagine myself without a mobile in hand... But, fact is fact... It was lost... Goodbye my dear friend!!!

GREat experience!

The much awaited test has come and gone... and i came up with a decent score of 1360... though the result is not so great, i am left with a good feel and a GREat experience... I can say that the understanding of any reading, be it technical, general, sports or something else, will be greatly improved after preparing honestly for GRE and having had a good companionship with words and their contextual meaning for around a couple of months... It was really a great experience!!!

Some tricks and tips...

1. Do all word lists at least once. Remember to revise every word-list cumulatively as you progress!

2. Make sure that you are able to recollect all the high-frequency words at a glance. Check this only after you are gone through all the word lists with full care.

3. Don't practice any exercise until you are done with all the word lists. But, once you finish all word lists, do as many as you can. Leave at least 4 complete days for mock tests practice.

4. Do pay as much attention to Reading comprehension as possible. Most of your time will be spent on this part of the verbal section only.

5. Spend good amount of time on the first 5-7 questions in the test as they will decide the following questions.

6. Change your mode of preparation often. Book, word-games, exercises, flash cards, and some good web-sites (block-reading.com, number2.com, guru's word list etc.) can give you a perfect blend of preparation methods.

7. Finally, dont overlook the quant section. We often forget simple formulae like Median, Standard Deviation etc. Remember, this is the section where we can score full with mimimum effort. So, it is worth to recollecting all those fundamental simple formulae.

8. Even if you don't get the score you targeted, don't worry... you are left with a good pool of vocabulary. All the best!!

The quarter-life crisis

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

PS: Author is unknown, I got this through one of my best friends! And, it really touched me.