sweet november...

winter in November is a bliss... watching out from the window pane on a cold night, listening to some old melody, will always bring back those romantic memories... especially, I like those childhood days, where we were awaken early in the morning, and were taken to the well in our old house, for a head bath with that cold water... huh, that was really chilling and painful for the first dip... once that first was over, even that cold water feels like a little warmer than the air... I remember "kaartheeka pournami" on which, we used to fast for the whole day, occasionally pestering mom for some eatables, and do pooja in the night, watching the moon in the mirror... Of course, I didn't see anything meaningful in that whole process... but, something surreal was there in that ritual... a whole bunch of sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law, grandmas, grandpas, uncles and aunts of three generations were together... people were not that selfish or adamant about privacy and stuff... their boundaries were a little broader... now, the scenario has changed... we rarely attend any function... we hardly know our relatives... we hardly dare to step out of this concrete jungle to visit those wonderful, good-old places... everything has changed in the name of well-being... in the name of corporate race... here we are, with lonely hearts yearning for a hand to solace and a soul to rely on... so sweet is this November... bringing back those memories!!!

a cup of coffee with "my fair lady"

I have been dining in the same A-mess of our institute since last 22 months... It is always fun to eat that so called food, which is actually like a dried grass, while doing all sorts of blabbering... and bird-watching too... here is where I found this girl (with short curly hair, cat eyes, head always turning all sides as if there is no steering control, a charming smile always on her face, and of course, that hasty walk)... i refer to her as 'my fair lady'... so, there i am watching her since my first semester... that means, almost from 22 months... many times, i wanted to go to her and tell "you are the most energetic girl i have ever seen"... but, no good luck :-(

we are left with only a months period to stay here at iisc... i am scared i will never be able to tell her those words... the other night, i was walking from my department to the hostels, where i found her walking ahead of me... i thought of asking her for a coffee... oh god, she is so cute... i started walking faster so as to reduce the distance between us... we reached the F&H coffee shop near the hostels... just when i was about to ask her, she turned around and found me... (she knew that i was looking at her since so many days... every time she catches me red-handed, she kills me with a tinge of smile... making me more and more dumb)... those words have stopped inside myself... all i could do was to pretend as if i was looking this side and that... oops! i screwed that chance...

can somebody tell me how to ask her for a cup of coffee :-)

say it with a flower...

Past...

life is going superfast these days with loads of work to finish... and interesting too!!! there is lot of fun and satisfaction in lying on the bed after a day long work... but, what happened to me these days??? struggling at least three to four hours to get sleep after going to bed!!! the reels from the PAST are reemerging from those buried neurons... making me uneasy, unhappy, and uncomfortable!!! if i look back at those sweet memories, i become sad... if i look back at those times of insecurity, i become sadder!!! tired of trying out few things like jogging, watering, aerobics, evening walk etc... and couldn't switch off the PAST... am i guilty? or am i feeling discontent about present life? or do i really lack guts to live in reality? am i not honest? or is it just insomnia that attacked me? friends say it is time to get married!!! is it really so? how can i invite anybody into my life with so much of stupidity and uncertainty? what the hell is this? why am i so confused? i wish i get 'short term memory loss'!!!

snapshots from hell... #1

from the day one we started staying in this institute, we are constantly been encountered with all sorts of shocks and difficulties, which made us call this place as a hell... life is always uncertain here (of course, it is everywhere... but, the degree of uncertainty is very high here), keeping us always in a state of worry and loneliness... a few snapshots from this hell...

being the premier institute, the cream people from all corners of the country enter here with lot of expectations and dreams to achieve... but, more than ninety percent of people lose their confidence/interest in academics just in few months after joining... reasons are yet to be explored!!!

the usual period for a student to finish his phd is four years... but god knows when he will get the degree!!! here too, the reasons are many... bad choice of problem... poor relations with the faculty... or even ill-fate!!! a student who was doing active research for last five years, has lost all his data in a fire accident recently... how valuable is a period of five years in anybody's life? that too in twenties!!!

the key things/findings of the defined problem will be known when the student is about to finish his coursework/research... what next? to explore more or just get off from the place? the choice is often difficult!!! even after successfully cracking the defined problem, the researcher himself will be in confusion to answer the question "why did i do all this?"...

coming to the settlement of life after research... many companies come with specific requirement!!! at the end of the day, everything ends up in playing game with luck... the question "why am i not getting selected?" keeps eating the brain until getting into one or the other lowsy job... by then, the remaining interest/confidence in life dies off!!!

but, at the end of the day, people from this institute are THE best... life is still beautiful and colorful for these students... because, the most difficult stages have been crossed here already!!! this is only one side of the coin... will write about the other half soon!!!

3 years... and those sweet memories!!!

Exactly three years back, we have written GATE... the entrance test conducted all over India for admission into post graduate courses in engineering!!! We used to be very ambitious and used to think about one and only one thing... that is to secure a single digit rank in GATE... those days were really wonderful and unforgettable... i cherished those countless number of hours I spent with my study partner and my best friend, discussing about whole bunch of problems, and those jubiliant smiles on our faces when we succeeded!!! we always kept our positions in top first and second in a class of eighty... and that too for all the four years!!!

Finally, we both cracked the exam and secured good ranks... after months of vacillation between higher studies and a lousy software job, we have finally decided for higher studies!!! but, to our badluck, we both got in different institutes... my dreams for further studies are buried now, at least temporarily!!! she got into one of the best openings a chemical engineer can dream of... and i got into one of the best challenging jobs!!!

three years passed... lot of changes have taken place... both personally and academically... that enthusiasm and zeal to achieve something is not at all there... just the memories remained... again the same lines... We always know that looking back on the tears would make us laugh someday. But we never know that looking back at the moments we laughed together would make us cry someday!!!

happy diwali

the festival of lights and victory was very good this year... after around five years, i celebrated this festival at home with my parents and nephew... it is somewhat good to see that people are preferring crackers which give colors and sparkles rather than those that give sounds... may the joy and brightness brought by this festival persist throughout the year and forever!!! happy diwali to one and all...

so far so good...

GRE preparation is going good... i am meddling with wordlists in my own way... no matter how many times word lists are revised some words always confuse me... like fictititious, fictious, factious, factitious, filch, flilch, etc... still, GRE preparation has its own charm and beauty in it... trying to bring back the good old habbit of mugging, mugging and mugging...

having fun with my nephew... it is always fun to play with him who makes all sorts of sounds to convey others what he wanted... his smile is soooooo cute... even i learnt how to manage him... pretty good lesson for me it seems... so far everything is going good... will be back soon with some good stuff than just boring routine things of life!!!

it's beautiful day!!!

after so many weeks of frustration, things got clear today... it is like a clear blue sky after long lasted clouds are cleared... i dont know whether the way they are cleared are right or not... but, they are cleared... a kind of euphoria has been filled in my heart... now, i am back to the normal state, in fact to an elated state, and enjoying the beauty of life all again...

the breeze of wind is so smooth...
moon in the sky is so bright and romantic...
the lingering thoughts in my mind are so beautiful...
and the hopes for the future are so optimistic...

exactly one year...

hurray... it is already one year after i entered iisc... 27th july 2005, one of the memorable days for me... the first feeling i got after entering this institute is a big 'wow'... so many interactions, so many new lessons, so many shocks, ups and downs and so on... this place is always been a confusion for me... sometimes, i feel it's just heaven... and the next moment, i feel exactly the opposite... but still, i feel very much fortunate to be here to enjoy the beauty of nature at its best clubbed with the beauty of labour... hoping to get many more pleasant and surprising encounters in the coming year!!!

i am here... i am still here... waiting for you!!!

it is been long since when we see or talk to each other... time has brought many changes... professionally, mentally, and personally... here i am with my deepest feelings which are left unexpressed to you...

you are the one who entered into my life when i was in deep distress... you are the one who understood me so perfectly than anybody else... you are the one who made my life so pleasant than ever... you are the one who can bring smile onto my face... you are the one who made a difference in my life...

when i listen to a beautiful song... when i feel a pleasant evening breeze... when i see the charming moon in the night... when i read a meaningful article... i remember you... i remember only you... i wanted to share all these things with you... immediately, i realise that you are not with me... very far from me...

i remember those days when we used to talk for hours together... i remember those days when we used to share every silly thing on the earth... i remember those days when we used to make fun of each other and yet feel so close to one another... i still remember those sensible letters we exchanged... i remember wonderful dreams we talked about...

but, all of a sudden... without a reason... forget about explanations!!! why did you run away from me? did you ever realise or doubt that you are trying to run away from yourself?? priorities change... yeah... right!!! priorities change in life... but not emotions, i believe...


i am here... i am still here... waiting for you to talk... waiting for you to open your heart... to listen to your voice... even if we are not going to meet again in life... even if you have decided not to talk to me ever... not even to think of me ever...

i am here... i am still here... waiting for you!!!

my autograph... very sweet memories!!!

today, while applying for some exam, i suddenly realised that i have spent 20 years of my time in classrooms and with books... still, i am not done with... many more such years to go i guess!!!

it is really sweet to recollect those good old memories!!!

i remember those days when we go to school in neat uniform dress (that too with tucked in short pants!!) and return back after making the dress so dirty...
i remember the days where we make boats with paper and splash all over in the puddle formed by rain water...
i remember those sad days when my drill master used to wake us up early in the morning with a goad stick in hand and commands us for a morning run...
i remember those days where i jealously competed with my newly arrived classmate (a girl ;-) plump and round) in fifth standard...
i remember the day when my father has beaten me like anything for stealing one rupee coin from his desk...
i remember my cute little sister who crying for me (of course, i used to enjoy when he beats her) when my father beats me...
i remember those wonderful hours spent with my grandma (hey, she is my first love!!) who used to be my best friend during those days...
i remember the dreadful days of my residential school days, where we used to wait for a week long to see our parents...
i remember the day when i stood first in the school and how i felt like i am at the top of the world...
i remember the days when i am in deep infatuation with my sister-in-law (she is two years elder to me!!)...
i remember my first kiss at the age of 16... very sweet in fact!!!
i remember my first college, where i relished the taste of good friendship and tried all sort of funny things whenever a chance came...
i remember the saddest day, when my grandma died and all the house is silent for months together and her abandoned room...
i remember the victorious day when i topped state level entrance exam and saw tears of happiness in my mother and a feel of pride in my father's face...
i remember the day whem my sister got married and went to her husband's place, and i got tears in my eyes to miss her...
i remember the horrible day where i tried to commit the biggest mistake of my life (shhhh.. secret) and made my parents worried about me...
i remember those beautiful days of b.tech life where i enjoyed each and every moment and where i got a recognition for myself...
i remember the day when my best friend cried for me at the railway station when she gave me send-off after my graduation...
i remember the day when my mother cried for me while i am leaving my place to join iisc to pursue higher studies...
i remember the day when i joined iisc, my dream place to study...

20 years of classroom education out of 25 years of life!!! still, many more experiences to come and relish... and to add to the list of sweet memories...

short but sweet...

after a long gap of five months, i took ten days of vacation..
met my best friends.. recollected all sweet momories.. visited hyderabad.. to my luck, weather is good there without too much temperature.. visited my b.tech college.. wow, how nice the feeling is!!
very few have attended the reunion but whoever attended has enjoyed a lot.. nobody has talked about the past, everybody has talked about their future plannings and their present life.. it's really interesting to listen to all of them..
throughout my stay at home, i have had a good time with my nephew who is nine months old and so cute just like a farex baby..
and now, i am back at my institution.. feeling like i am in heaven.. so pleasant is the weather here.. institution is beautiful and green as ever.. gulmohar trees are in their full blossom though it is already june.. and finally, my semester results are announced and i got better result than what i have expected..
a happy ending for my short but sweet vacation... that too with a happier beginning of my second year of stay over here at iisc..