Tuesday, May 08, 2007

marriage market...


it is second week of May and many people are getting married... a time for everybody to glitter in nice ornaments and jewellery... to meet relatives and friends... look for bride/groom for oneself... learning about relatives and relations... a time to celebrate and rejoice... marriage... a very important milestone in everybody's life, personally, socially, and in general, psychologically...

everytime i call my parents these days, they are mentioning about this or that marriage, immediately followed by the details about what that groom does, how he is, and how much he has taken as dowry!!! i still wonder how this custom of dowry, which started in rich class families as a gift to bride, has become a mandatory thing in almost all families... especially, in south indian states, this is too badly grown... it is OK from groom's side to accept some financial assistance from bride, in case he is not economically strong or able... ironically, the more the groom is able, the more they are demanding... it's something like 1:100 ratio... a person earning 30k per month needs 30 lakh as a gift... what the hell is this? that means, he is demanding the same amount of money which he can see only if he saves all his earnings (with the current rate) continuously for eight years!!! don't you think it is too pathetic? still ironic thing is that bride's side families are ready to give that lumpsome too (even if that is more than their capability)!!!

law also successfully failed to implement dowry law, because we lack that social concern... more than that, these customs are so deeply engrossed in people's mind set that we all feel like it's a natural process... many girls (i don't know what portion) whom i know, who are working in good firms and having enough educational background, still say that they are not sure if they will work after marriage because, it all depends on the groom's decision... why parents are moulding their daughters into such a dependent personalities?

if some boy says he doesn't like to take dowry, people are suspecting his manhood!!! this is another aspect of this brutal custom... the more the dowry, the more it gives fame in their local community people... why should the girl's parents wash the groom's feet for kanyadaan while groom's parents happily enjoy their stature of "groom's parents"?? is it just because of that non-deterministic probability of X and Y cromosomes which decides whether the kid is going to be male or female? if the bride is able enough and earning sufficiently more than the groom, will that groom's parents ready to wash that bride's feet?

not all our customs may be wrong... but, is there a single logical explaination for these silly things? when will our society grow up to abolish these nasty traditions? when will our parents agree for a love-marriage without asking caste/community/religion and dowry? when will the time come to delete the column "caste and religion" from applications? when will this marriage market be ended?

5 comments:

charuthi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
charuthi said...

Good one gopal...
its so silly that even in this 21st century people are still more concerned about caste and dowry.
software professional has more advantage over this dowry...as increase in pay after appraisal, expection of dowry also doubles.its like pay is directly proportional to dowry expected.But surprisingly even girls parents are ready to afford.
As u mentioned waiting for those days where application forms dont have the caste and religion columns....
If the government is not encouraging this we can try the change from our side. lets not mention anything in the caste field. Atleast start this trend from our next generations.

gopalwithlove said...

you are right. the change should start from our side. let's hope the day will come before we die!

Aarthi said...

These days parents (not all) do give a lil freedom to their daughter/son to discuss frankly about their life partner...
in addition to mistakes done by parents where they convert marriage to be a trade/ business, there are many cases in which the bride's/groom's attitude is not so
such that
1. "get on with their lives without any money matters involved during their marriage any other functions after mge" - in case of an arranged mge.
2. "get on with their lives without displacing the Gods they grew up with" - in case of inter religion mge.
3. "get on with their lives without any ego" - in case of rich(by money) marrying a poor

but one thing for sure: "if there is true love (though abstract)and a bit of courage , then it can overcome these problems"

regd generations: its a belief that child grows its thoughts/values/beliefs rooted from its parents... if this generation takes care (very doubtful, bcos all people wont follow), then probably the next generation will be taken care...

Arun said...

I do agree with Gopal, but don't agree with Aarthi at all !!